This is a triggering and divisive topic to many. So I will start by saying that I consume romance on a daily basis through k/c-dramas, romance anime, slow burn books like every other woman (at least a great majority of women) and every other corny romance show you can think of. So, of course some of it is ridiculous, and I catch a lot of criticism for consuming all this junk material from random people who don’t understand. I don’t romanticize the things that I see, I don’t tell myself that my husband needs to do better and I need to feel those things 24/7 or talk myself into some delusional expectation that I should feel butterflies and hear songbirds whenever he walks in the room. I consume this material because I enjoy the feeling of recognition and acknowledgement for things I did experience, for the things I hope others get to experience in their lifetime as depicted by these fictional characters in sometimes ridiculously cute situations.

A Different Time and Place

I grew up in such a wonderful period where the internet did not yet exist and cell phones were not affordable even to high school students, even though they were widely used by adults. I was fortunate enough to experience the cute notes being passed between classes, the love letters when I was away, the long phone calls on the floor because the landline was in the kitchen, the “MASH” games, etc. The feelings of butterflies in your stomach, the sudden dread when you saw a boy you liked handing you a note, the akward first phone calls, the pager “143” messages that made your heart skip a beat, and the organic way in which you met people you grew to crush, like, and yes, even love. I see the anime characters do cartwheels and I relate to it all, it plasters a stupid grin on my face to the point my cheeks hurt. But this is hard to explain in my now life.

A Deeper Connection

I am 37 years old, married to a wonderful man for 14 years and have 3 sons together. There is very little my husband can possibly do at this point that would make me feel those things. Not because I don’t love him or vice versa, but because what I now feel for him is much deeper than that. Sure, he can still bring me flowers, surprise me with dinner, take me on a date etc., but what I feel is something entirely different. I feel appreciated, cherished, loved, and cared for. My heart swells when I see him interact with our 3 sons, and my breath catches at the thought of him not being in our lives. Those cute romantic feelings, they aren’t the same, and so instead I consume romance and enjoy watching others (even if they are fictional characters) enjoy, experience, and explore every single one of these feelings.

My Hope for Romantics

My experience may not match other people’s perspective because I think I am lucky. There are people my age who never experienced these things despite growing up in similar circumstances, and younger generations who grow up way too quickly who do not understand the beauty of a slow, dragged out encounter and will never experience it. Unfortunately, they grow up so fast, the spotlight is on them so heavily that they think on a more superficial level, how will it look to others, do I need to make things “FB/Insta/Snapchat official”? Do I wait to text back? Will I be “ghosted”. In a world where every conversation can be distributed with a single screenshot people are left not wanting to say anything, not wanting to bear their soul for fear of the repercussions, and its a little sad.

So, let us consume our romance novels, our anime series, our k-dramas when and how we want. We should all be so fortunate to find recognition and relatability in this content. Allow us hopeless romantics to want that for ourselves, for others to experience it, to hopelessly embrace it, dive in and drown in it. There is still a shot at romance no matter the age. In conclusion, and to answer the original question…….No, romance is NOT DEAD, we just have to stop being so self conscious of it, acknowledge that it evolves and changes over time, and continue to identify it in our lives.