Bloganuary writing prompt

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

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This question called my attention, and at first my answers were more…superficial. I thought of things like skydiving, paragliding, surfing and all the extreme sports I’m terrified of. Each time I would brush it off and would come back to writing a book, the thought almost too quick to take it seriously. I didn’t want to talk about it again because I have mentioned it before, and so, I began to question myself, why was I was so scared to do that one thing I wanted to do most? I realized it was not about writing a book. It was about saying out loud to the world that it was what I wanted, what I was doing, what I knew I was meant to do.

Growing up, it was hammered into me that my job in this world was to survive. Not drowning when crossing the border was a gift, and I should want for nothing more than the reward of existing in this life. This meant we took what we could, when we could and made the best of the things we were given, the circumstances we were placed in, and we never wished for more than that. Wishing for more, dreaming for more would not only be greedy, but also arrogant and selfish.

Undocumented immigrants don’t get to dream. Contradictory to the American Dream speech everyone likes to think we come for, we don’t actually come here to chase it. More often than not we are running, from circumstance, from wars, from poverty. This means that our biggest want, our biggest ask, the only thing we would ever consider asking for would be to be allowed to survive.

Growing up with this mentality does things to you. It creates a level of humility that many admire, its what we are known for right? Mexicans are hard working people, humble, trust worthy, family oriented. They work harder than anyone and never ask for more. Our humility is admired so much that people miss all the guilt and discomfort that humility creates when we do something beyond our set expectations. We have no idea how to feel about being better than we were supposed to be at something, we don’t know how to take compliments, and we turn our backs to pride regardless of how hard we work, because people like us, people like me….. we were not meant to self actualize.

Self actualization was only a notion, and when we feel like we are getting close to wanting actualization of this so called American Dream, we remind ourselves to not get carried away with the dreams of others, the wants and needs of people unlike ourselves. We remind ourselves that we don’t want to end up like Icarus, flying too close to the sun simply because he was given wings, and we keep our feet firmly planted on earth.

But I can’t quiet this any longer. I want to dream, I want to fly, I want to want. I want to smile at the path I’ve taken, marvel at how far I’ve come, and promise myself I will make my dreams come true. I want to shout my dreams to the world and hear the echoes carry that dream as far as it can go.