When I was younger I found that being alone felt like I would disappear somehow and I craved company like I craved the air I breathed. Over time, people’s company became heavier and eventually suffocating. I learned the hard way that being surrounded by others also meant being vulnerable to them, and that most people didn’t have my best interest at heart. My innocence, trust, empathy and love was leached from my body by the very people I surrounded myself with as I watched helplessly, as if expecting someone to help me fight back. Over time, I was left a shell of the person I once was when I was young, naive and hopeful, and I was finally left alone, because there was nothing more to take. It took years before I clawed my way through the world, slowly filling the reserves of myself that had once been emptied, and then I surrounded myself with people who proved their love and loyalty to me only. I wasted little time on those who hesitated putting me first and had zero tolerance for betrayals and lies. I was able to create a small loving family for myself with a man worthy of my company, and we are raising children together. But still, I spend most of my time with myself, I want to always be most comfortable alone, because I know eventually, there may come a time when I will return there, not under the same circumstances, definitely not empty, but alone none the less. I want to be able to be happy alone, just as I am happy surrounded by those whom I love and love me back. It’s important to me that both sides of the same coin are equally valuable to me.