When I was a kid, I was undocumented. My earliest memories revolve around my mother crossing the border illegally and me being brought along as she worked as a street vendor in LA. So, my job was to watch my baby brother while she worked, when he slept, I helped her with customers. We walked all day in the sun and in the evenings we helped her carry fruit crates to our apartment and helped her wash and prep it to do it all over again the next day. My father was violent and often drunk so we moved a lot to run away from him.

When we got older my mom stopped bringing us along with her so during school hours was the best part of my day, anything outside of that was spent alone hiding, because children were not supposed to be left alone. I never had toys, I never had friends, I couldn’t go outside, and I didn’t have anything to stimulate my mind. So I began reading library books, I would take whatever spare paper I could from school and pencils home and I would also draw. I would write poems that were probably awful but this was the only thing I could do living as myself.

Now as an adult, I have children of my own, and I have the freedom to play. I have fun by doing the things I love and indulge in them in ways I never could as a child. I listen to audio books, I read them, I buy art supplies and teach myself to draw things, to use water color, to teach myself piano, to write on my blog, to record a podcast episode and pursue whatever random interest I have that day. I watch anime, k-dramas, documentaries and trash tv with zero educational value because I love to just not have a purpose to something. Growing up as a kid who was given the task of self actualization by her immigrant parents made me have to justify and provide a why to everything I did. If the why did not help the actualization of the American dream, then it was unnecessary.

I missed out on my childhood and was forced to grow up, while some consider playtime as games and outdoor things, playtime for me simply means to get lost in my own joy and love for things I don’t know. So yes, I now play daily, and I allow my children to do the same.